What Has Happened

You saw what I posted. I was visibly not okay in that message.

For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, I posted a message on my wall after weeks of inactivity. I was doing bad. I had claimed I was leaving the wiki. My self-esteem was a puddle, my emotions shredded, and happiness completely drained from my body.

To be honest, I'm going to say it. I cried while writing that message. Not because I was being reminded of the horror I have dealt with through all this time, it's because I was leaving. Wishing all that I had been around for a few years goodbye.

I don't know why but I checked the discord... people were reacting to my message. I was completely stunned.

Aaron had posted a message wall, wishing me luck.

I couldn't believe what I was looking at. I had made my horrid times public and people were actually caring about me.

When I saw that, I was completely like fuck this i'm going back. I erased the message and only left this.

everything will get better.

''aaron's latest message on my message wall had finally lifted my dead spirit. im not leaving anymore. as for my projects, i have no clue.''

i made it 13 years like this and no matter what happens, i'll make it further. im so sorry for scaring you guys like that.

For the last sentence, I could not stress how much I mean that. I regret scaring you guys on Discord but it would get worse if I didn't.

The reason why I was inactive is because I was going through rough times.

I was getting severely bullied at school and teachers wouldn't do shit.

Well, Ryan, you do just as worse as them.

Yes, my name is Ryan if wondering. It 's called Tough Love but I call it another needle to find in my rotting haystack.

I will not commit suicide. I have no strength to bring the blade to my wrist, no strength to bring the rope around my neck, no strength to jump off the second floor of my school.

I have not cut. I've torn skin and even scratched and that's the farthest I'll go.

Yes, I have had suicidal thoughts like mad. I will go as far as I really wanted to just set myself on fire and actually lose my entire face so people won't recognize me. It's bad

I originally was going to post a full essay message on this wiki and post it on a blog on BTFF. That thing was deleted instantly.

I hated that message. I did so many regrettable things. I called people out, I attempted to plant a seed of i will kill myself, I screamed, I cried, and I went numb.

I wanted to leave BTFF and I almost did. But I won't let myself go. I had said goodbye but the only thing I will say now is hello.

I want to do some many things I wouldn't do. I want to continue T10: GR, I want to be more social, and I want to do so much more. I will try my abosulte best to do that.

When Summer rolls around, expect a huge increase in activity. My hellhole of school will be censored during that time.

I'm back and I won't ever leave again. I'm repaired and I won't be broken again.